I miss him.....

My dear old buddy

We lost him this week.  I had to make the decision to put him to sleep, and it was dreadful.  I have dreaded it for a long time and always put it out of my mind.  I figured when the time came John could deal with it and I would have to just get used to him not being here.  But when I got home from a day out with my sister on Tuesday, He did not come straight away when I called.  I could hear him under the deck, but he wasn't coming.  So unlike him, he would bound up desperate to get in to me to say hello.  I looked over the deck and saw what I never wanted to, my dear old loyal dog stumbling and falling trying to make his way up to me.  It was horrible.  He was quite a big boy and I raced inside to ring my neighbour to help me lift him...I had no idea how I could do it on my own, but they did not answer, so I had to.  I almost collapsed my self once I made it up the ramp and around by the back door to get him onto his bed.  He was ice cold and breathing really heavy and slow.  I was a mess...i couldn't find the vet numbers I was trying not to lose it, and the doorbell rang, and my next door neighbour took charge and rang  around and found a vet who would come to my house and treat him and help us get him to the car to take him to the vet.  A circulatory collapse he said.  No blood circulation which is why he was so cold.  we filled hot water bottles to try to warm him up so the vet could give him the medication.  Long story a little shorter, john was away and I had to deal with taking him in and making the decision to not let him suffer through many tests and treatments to find out if he had an abdominal tumour that had ruptured....blah blah blah.....It was disgusting and I never wanted to be the one to do it.  It's 2 days gone now and I can still blubber.  I loved my dog....Since we had kids he was out the back a lot more, but he still had his bed inside, and way back when I was single he slept on the bottom of my waterbed with me....Till he got too big!  He was 14.  It was very sudden.... He had no idea he was old and would tear around up and down the rocks in our yard like a mad dog.  He still thought he was a puppy.  No sign of age accept going a bit grey in his face the last year or so.

So yes...a bit too sad this week. 

I miss his company already.